Birth Fathers, The Forgotten Man

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There are a lot of reasons biological parents choose to place a child up for adoption. One reason that is very common is that they want their child to have both a mother and a father in their home. And oftentimes when that is the reason, it means that the biological parents are no longer together. When that happens, when there is a separation between the biological mother and biological father, it isn’t uncommon for the biological father to be brushed aside during the adoption process.

It takes two to make a baby, but it only takes one of those two to physically carry the child. It also takes only one of those two to deliver the baby. In many unfortunate cases the birth father wants to be part of the process, but he is sometimes the forgotten part of the adoption triad.

Biological fathers play a different role in the adoption process. If they’re not present when the baby starts to kick and move, they lose out a little bit on the experience. If the biological father isn’t present during birthing classes or doctor visits, he tends to be a little less aware of how things are progressing. And if the biological father is kept out of the decision making process while choosing the adoptive couple, he’s less likely to feel like he is part of the situation.

Birth fathers are not disinterested. They’re not unaware, and they do indeed care. Oftentimes it’s an uphill battle that they tire from climbing after time. After all, it can be a lot to ask for a potential birth mother to include her ex-boyfriend in the some of the most emotionally intense and stressful times of her life.

The struggle to keep the birthfather involved continues with the adoptive couple. By virtue of the fact that most contact between adoptive side and biological side happens between the adoptive couple and the birthmother, the birthfather can get lost in the shuffle. There are a lot of things going on and emotions are running at hyper speed. If the birthfather isn’t integrated in the happenings of the pregnancy, he’s less likely to be weaved into the fabric of the adoption process. And if he’s left out of the adoption process, he’s less likely to be involved in the post-adoption relationship.

Birthfathers can be a wonderful presence in the adoption triad. Many birthfathers who are left out wish they could be involved and would be a great addition to the interesting family tree that is open adoption. No matter what part of the adoption triad you belong to, don’t forget about the often forgotten man.

Visitor Comments (8)
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Jason Rexrode - 4 weeks ago
I am looking for my birth mother, I was called baby Christopher at the Childrens home in DEKALB County Georgia. I was born June 24,1970. Her name is Katherine Marie Betsill. Anyone with information please send me a message on this site. Jasonrexrode. Thank you #1
brian101 - 11 months ago
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Hello, My name is Brian Louis Fedder, my ADOPTED name. I was adopted at birth and here’s the only information I have. 1. I was born October 1, 1968 2. The adoption agency was Maryland Children’s Aid Society, Inc. in Westminster County. Mrs. Mattare and Miss Francis Mansfield handled my paperwork and adoption. 3. The Degree of Adoption was from Circuit Court #2 in Baltimore City, Md 4. My birth certificate states the hospital I was born in Hagerstown, Md. And the name of the hospital wasn’t listed. 6. I’m White and my faith is Hebrew. 7. The Fedder Tree on Ancestry is the ancestor’s of my adopted parents. State of Maryland has found my mother and I’m still in the process of reaching her. She lived in Alaska during the great flood, with my step-father and they had 2 sons and a daughter. All of them returned to Virginia. I’m the result of my birth mother having an affair with my birth father. I don’t believe my birth father ever knew about me. Since my DNA is retri #2
hahunter - 1 year ago
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The ONLY way a FIRST MOTHER can continue down that road as you people call it never knowing at all what FIRST MOTHERS go through for life,it isn't a life until there is a reunion and back with the child (now grown) that we had,we would have probaly all have gotten our children much sooner but the adoption industry put up another kind of Berlin Wall,it was a war then too except all we have is our voices for justification ,like Russia we hope to folllow sit and close all the doors of the adoption industry,wer're getting close word has it and this is our secret !The agency ignored a court judge that wanted my husband to pay child support NOT adoption` #3
Kevin - 7 months ago
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I am looking for birth parents Bonnie Page and father unknown. I was born baby boy page august 6, 1964 in Boulder city, NV #4
Lynn - 1 year ago
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My husband is a birthfather that was involved throughout the whole pregnancy and delivery and he and the birthmother stayed together for quite some time after the birth. Years later HE located the daughter given up for adoption on his own, made contact thru a third party, and then spoke with and eventually met the daughter. At the time of speaking to the birthdaughter on the phone he gave her the birthmother's contact information. The birthmother wasn't going to search for her on her own though! They now have a relationship and the daughter refuses to have any relationship with my husband! #5
ina lynn willard - 11 months ago
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the only way i was found from half of my biloogicail family was on xxxxxx my half sister fouandme she knew where my mother was and gave me her number too call her 5 years ago we talked and a year later we met at my sisters house and i met my siblings of my mom and dad and others siblings we all keep in contact but im still looking for my dad and his side of family for closer of biologacal issues and to get to know them as well i hope they r willards in iowa #6
Steve - 8 months ago
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I am looking for birth son born January 11,1972 at Antelope Memorial Hospital ,Neligh Nebraska.You were adopted out through Catholic Charities in Omaha Ne a few days after birth.Your birth mothers first name is Gloria. #7
PATSY - 4 months ago
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